Rees' Pieces: The 'breast' Superbowl ever

(Originally published February 2004)

It was inevitable.

The day was bound to come when television would have degenerated so much that it would leave me shaking my head in disbelief, uttering “When I was a kid, this would’ve never happened.”

I didn’t expect it to happen when I was 25.

By now, I am sure you have heard about the now infamous Super Bowl halftime show, featuring pop artists Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson.

For those who haven’t, I offer a recap:

The two singers were performing a flirtatious duet to end the halftime show, and at the song’s finish, Timberlake reached across Jackson’s leather gladiator outfit and pulled off the covering of her right breast.
(Let’s pause and get the giggles out of the way. Place your favorite joke here — the boob tube, breast-case scenario, etc.).

The CBS network issued a statement, saying it had no indication that this was going to happen and apologizing to anyone who was offended.

The NFL followed suit with similar sentiments and stated it is unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime.

The Super Bowl halftime show, which also featured P. Diddy, Nelly, and Kid Rock, was produced by MTV, CBS’ corporate cousin in Viacom.

MTV issued a contrite statement in which it apologized, saying the incident was “unrehearsed, unplanned, completely unintentional and was inconsistent with assurances we had about the content of the performance.”

This may be true, but it certainly doesn’t excuse the actions of Timberlake and Jackson.

In a statement, Jackson claimed it was a last minute stunt gone awry and was never meant to go so far.

According to Timberlake, it was unintentional and simply a “wardrobe malfunction.”

Umm ... okay.

The timing was curious — especially considering the context of the song, titled “Rock your Body.”

It ended with the line, “Cause I gotta have you naked by the end of this song.”

Indeed.

Let’s be honest. It was staged, whether MTV, CBS, or the NFL wants to admit it.

Jackson was partially covered by a sun shaped, metal nipple decoration — just in case, right?

And I’m sure Timberlake wanted to make sure his name went down on the list of most notable halftime acts.

The CBS network and the NFL deserved what was coming. They asked MTV to produce the halftime show, not Disney.

MTV has a track record of crude and outrageous stunts. Who doesn’t remember the shared kiss by Britney Spears and Madonna at the last MTV Music Awards?

Basically what it comes down to is, ahem, exposure. The apologies are merely obligatory.

Is Jackson sorry for hyping her brand new CD coming out in March?

And Timberlake? Is he sorry for topping his ex-girlfriend Britney?

The Federal Communications Commission is conducting an investigation with potential fines of up to $27,500, which if applied to every CBS station, could amount to millions.

But shouldn’t artists face consequences? If not, stunts may become steadily worse, as they consistently try to one-up one another, in an effort to not fade from the public eye.

I could be overreacting, but this isn’t MTV — it’s the most watched sports event of the year, with 90 million viewers tuning in. There should be standards.

When we have to screen our kids from the halftime of a football game, we know it’s really time to evaluate ourselves.

But there is one thing I’m sure we can all agree on — the real boobs in all this were the ones who actually forked over the $20 to watch the pay-per-view “Lingerie Bowl.” I hear it was a bust.